i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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