Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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