And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
