We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
