I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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