the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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