Already got asked if we're dating
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
