just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
