I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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