So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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