Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
