You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
