I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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