Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
