good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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