Your face is a jimmy john
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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