Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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