I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
