so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
