Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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