the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
