Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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