she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
