did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She said her name was "party"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
