I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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