Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
