you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
