So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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