Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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