Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
