when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
