Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
