I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
