you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
