i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
