That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
