So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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