i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
