why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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