She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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