she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't notice because vodka
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize