He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
