I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
