Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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