i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
