my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
