I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The power of my boobs compel you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
