walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
