it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
