i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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