fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
