Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
