never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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