Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
