i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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