I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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