no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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