dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
