It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
