Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
