I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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