just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
