just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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