Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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