Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
