I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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