My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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