hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
