she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
