thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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