I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
