I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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