I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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