she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I checked into jail on foursquare
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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