He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
