Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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