How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
