I puked a lego.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
