It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just google imaged poop.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
