her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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